FLASH: Hillary Clinton withdraws, replaced by Goldman Sachs

     (Courtesy of New York Crimes newsfeed) In a surprise move, presidential candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton ended her campaign today, saying that she wishes to spend more time with her family and that "corporate person" Goldman Sachs will be taking her place.

     "I'm lovin' this corporate personhood!" said Mr. Sachs to a New York Crimes reporter, in a lunchtime interview held at a pricey New York restaurant. The reporter had a cup of coffee and a salad, while Sachs devoured the economies of several Third World countries, after an appetizer of a fraudulent credit default swap and some cheese toast.